Nothing ventured, nothing gained
New horizons, ready to paint…
We'd only find ourselves by
Losing all control
Beyoncé – "Control"
In life, nothing worth having comes easily; nothing worth having comes without putting some sort of effort. I'm not cynical enough to think that someone who is "too good to be true" might really just be really good, and not "too good". Though if I were a betting man (and I'm not, I'm more of a shopper/people-watcher/pool-dipping kind of guy when I go to Vegas), I'd say that yes, he is a mirage.
A few months back, I was having a conversation with one of my friends over dinner and among the topics we discussed, aside from news and current events,(the impending Greek financial doom was just bubbling under the surface then) was our recent dating adventures. I was bemoaning the idea of dating, and how hard it is to find a suitable person to date in this city, in spite of what everyone else tells me. In a city that has been historically renowned for its tolerance and that features enclaves like the Castro, Noe Valley, Folsom Gulch/SOMA, and Polk Street Gulch, the common prevailing wisdom suggests this city is teeming with potentials. The next person that tells me this will get a comprehensive metacarpal impression in the jugular vein. Ok, well maybe that's a bit hyperbolic, but you get my drift.
She astutely reminded me that I can't complain about how there's no one out there for me when I haven't put the time and effort to find that person. To which I answered, touché.
There is a palpable disconnect between my actions concerning my love life versus the rest of my life. Like I've mentioned before, I'm a bit reticent when it comes to the affairs of the heart, which is a complete departure from how I approach other things in life. Maybe it's that when it comes to love, I'm ceding some control of my happiness to another person, and that's unnerving. There is that sense of vulnerability and that inescapable feeling that I might get hurt.
Frankly, as a student, I really don't have THAT much time to be raking through the proverbial haystack for that needle. But we'll never find that person sitting around idly twiddling our thumbs. If I have one more person tell me that "it will happen when you least expect it" or "you'll find someone when you're not looking", or any variants of these phrases, I might actually implode. Oops, there's that hyperbole rearing its ugly head again.
So taking her (and my own) advice, I have been putting myself out there a bit more. I'm trying to come out of my clammed-up shell and experience the joys and pains of dating. As Beyoncé said, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
However, just because you put yourself out there, doesn't guarantee that you'll actually get what you want. There are no absolute guarantees in life (except death and taxes). Inevitably, yes, I'll get hurt. And yes, recent experiences certainly hadn't gone the way that I want them to be, to the point of me rethinking this whole strategy. But then again, isn't that just part of life? We're so afraid of getting hurt, but sometimes, the actions that we take only shield us from continued growth as a person; losing all control may be the prescriptive solution to cure our hearts' ailments. And besides, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?
Alexander Pope said it best on his "Essay on Man": hope springs eternal. What makes us go through life's trials and tribulations is the prospect of a better life ahead. So you kiss a few toads along the way, but isn't it life more about the process than the final destination?
Next week, get a double dose of Single in the City! I'll be visiting Miami Beach with a few friends this upcoming week, and one of my favorite only-in-San-Francisco-lunacy Bay-to-Breakers is this weekend, and so I will be doing some on-the-field reporting. Finally solved the Vitamin-D-deficiency plague that seems to be affecting pharmacy students, but poor, poor liver; such is the joy of life.
PS: Congratulations to my esteemed colleague, Jed Wolpaw, for finishing medical school, and for many thanks for all of his wonderful insights and perceptive commentaries that he's provided over the years as the "Lub Dub" guy. We'll miss you! Happy trails!
No comments:
Post a Comment