Episode Six: Alone with Mark Anthony... at a Restaurant

I’m going to make a confession:  I have never eaten at a sit-down restaurant by myself before.  I mean, I’ve eaten by myself before at the Nurseteria while studying, but I would normally run into someone that I know and end up eating with that person.   I’ve always wanted to do it, but never had the nerve to try it. 

So, the other day, I went to Andalu, a Tapas-style restaurant in the Mission, to try to get over myself and just go ahead and get on with it.  I resisted the temptation to bring a book to read or listen to my mp3 player as I ate dinner because that would defeat the whole purpose of eating alone.  Sure, it would be a little unnerving at first, with the occasional awkward stares from people, but what doesn’t kill don’t hurt me, right?

So, when I got to the restaurant, I was a little nervous that I almost talked myself out of it.  What is it about eating alone that is scary, I asked myself.  Is it the idea that people would look at me funny? (Not that people already don’t do that, but even more so)  Or perhaps the fear of being alone and the perceived stigma that is associated with being alone?  With my busy school and extra-curricular schedule, I have always reasoned that there’s always someone that I haven’t seen in awhile that I could be spending some quality time with, so when I do find myself without dinner plans, I resort to calling around and end up finding someone to eat with.  As my friend pointed out to me, I may be going to dinner by myself, but I should think of it as me going out on a date with San Francisco.  I felt much better after that.

As I entered the restaurant, the hostess asked me how many people in my party (one) and whether I’d like to sit at the bar; I elected to sit at a table to get the “full” experience.  The place was not as busy as it could be, seeing that it was Monday night, so I got waited on pretty quickly, and I placed my order.

As the server brought out my Cambazola Cheese Fondue with Fuji Apples and Asian Pears, the irony of it all didn’t escape me.  She asked me whether I was expecting someone else (a valid question, in her defense), and after saying no, awkwardness ensued; she politely excused herself out to attend to her other tables. 

There’s something to be said about dining alone; it takes a little bit of bravery and self-assuredness.  There’s something liberating about being able to eat alone; it’s that feeling of empowerment and self-reliance that is appealing, but at the same time, nerve-wracking.  More than anything else, it made me more aware and relaxed; I’ve finally found the time to spend some “me” time.  In our busy lives, we never really have the chance to stop and do just that, and we should take advantage of this whenever we can.

Even if you do feel less brave or less self-assured, it shouldn’t stop you from doing it in the first place.   We learn a lot when we’re faced in difficult situations, when we’re not in our comfort zone.  Personal growth comes from weathering difficult situations and learning from them.  We should always strive to improve ourselves whenever we can; a seemingly insignificant act such as eating alone accomplishes this.

So all of those fears, the weird stares, they did happen, but I’m still standing and have lived to tell the tale.